We Need To Talk About Suicide

Suicide is preventable

Suicide can be uncomfortable to talk about, but it is a something we must address.  When someone has come to a point where they are considering killing themself, they are feeling alone, scared, hopeless and they need help. Just the words of one person can save a suicidal person. There may come a day when you could be that person.  Because you may come into contact with someone who is contemplating ending their life, it is important to know what to look for as warning signs and what you can do to help. These same tips can also help if you find yourself thinking of suicide. 

Suicide warning signs include:

Talking about suicide – Any talk of suicide, dying, or self-harm, such as  “I’d be better off dead.”

Seeking out lethal means – Seeking access to guns, pills, knives, or other objects that could be used in a suicide attempt.

Preoccupation with death – Unusual focus on death, dying, or violence. Writing poems or stories about death.

No hope for the future – Feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and being trapped (“There’s no way out”). Belief that things will never get better or change.

Self-loathing, self-hatred – Feelings of worthlessness, guilt, shame, and self-hatred. Feeling like a burden (“Everyone would be better off without me”).

Getting affairs in order – Making out a will. Giving away prized possessions. Making arrangements for family members.

Saying goodbye – Unusual or unexpected visits or calls to family/friends. Saying goodbye to people as if they won’t be seen again.

Withdrawing from others – Withdrawing from friends and family. Increasing social isolation. Desire to be left alone.

Self-destructive behavior – Increased alcohol or drug use, reckless driving, unsafe sex. Acting as if they have a “death wish.”

Sudden sense of calm – A sudden sense of calm or happiness after being extremely depressed can mean the person has made a decision to kill themself.

Tip One: If You are not sure, ask.

If you see the warning signs of suicide in someone you care about, you may not be sure what to do or say.  In such situations, it’s natural to feel uncomfortable or afraid. But anyone who talks about suicide or shows other warning signs needs help right away.

Talking to a friend or family member about their suicidal thoughts and feelings can be really hard for anyone. But if you’re unsure whether someone is suicidal, the best way to find out is to ask them.
You can’t make a person suicidal by showing that you care. In fact, giving a suicidal person the opportunity to express his or her feelings can provide relief from loneliness and pent-up negative feelings, and may actually prevent a suicide attempt.

Here are few ways to you can start a conversation about suicide:

• “I have been feeling worried about you lately.”
• “Recently, I have noticed some differences in you and wondered how you are doing.”
• “You haven't seemed like yourself lately and I wanted to check in with you to see how you are doing.”

Here are some questions you can ask:

• “When did you begin feeling like this?”
• "How long have you been feeling like this?"
• “Did something happen to make you start feeling like this?”
• “How can I best support you right now?”                         
• "What can I do to help you?"
• “Have you thought about getting help?”

What you can say that helps:

• “You are not alone in this. I’m here for you.”

• “It might not seem like it, but how you are feeling will change."

• “I may not be able to understand exactly how you feel, but I care about you and want to help.”

• “When you want to kill yourself, tell yourself you will hold off for just one more day, hour, minute—whatever you can manage.”

When you are talking to someone who is suicidal do:

• Be yourself. Let the person know you care, that he/she is not alone.  If you are concerned, your voice and manner will show it.
• Listen. Let the suicidal person unload despair, vent anger. No matter how negative the conversation seems, the fact that it is taking place is a positive sign.
• Be sympathetic, non-judgmental, patient, calm, accepting. The person is doing the right thing by talking about his/her feelings.
• Offer hope. Reassure the person that help is available and that the suicidal feelings are temporary. Let the person know that his or her life is important to you.
• Take the person seriously. If the person says things like, “I’m so depressed, I can’t go on,” ask the question: “Are you having thoughts of suicide?” or "Are you thinking of killing yourself?" You are not putting ideas in their head; you are showing that you are concerned, that you take them seriously, and that it’s OK for them to share their pain with you.

But don’t:

• Argue with the suicidal person. Avoid saying things like: “You have so much to live for,” “Your suicide will hurt your family,” or “Look on the bright side.”
• Act shocked, lecture on the value of life, or say that suicide is wrong.
• Promise confidentiality. Refuse to be sworn to secrecy. 
• Offer ways to fix their problems, or give advice, or make them feel like they have to justify their suicidal feelings. It is not about how bad the problem is, but how badly it’s hurting your friend or loved one.
• Blame yourself. You can’t “fix” someone’s depression. Your loved one’s happiness, or lack thereof, is not your responsibility.

Source: Metanoia.org

Tip 2: Know How to respond in a crisis.

If a friend or family member tells you that he or she is thinking about death or suicide, it’s important to evaluate the immediate danger the person is in. Those at the highest risk for committing suicide in the near future have a specific suicide PLAN, the MEANS to carry out the plan, a TIME SET for doing it, and an INTENTION to do it.

The following questions can help you assess the immediate risk for suicide:

• Do you have a suicide plan? (PLAN)
• Do you have what you need to carry out your plan (pills, gun, etc.)? (MEANS)
• Do you know when you would do it? (TIME SET)
• Do you intend to take your own life? (INTENTION)

If the person has suicidal thoughts, a specific plan that is highly lethal and the means to carry it out, or they say that they will attempt suicide, you need to respond as follows.
If a suicide attempt seems imminent, call a local crisis center, dial 911, or take the person to an emergency room. Remove guns, drugs, knives, and other potentially lethal objects from the vicinity but do not, under any circumstances, leave a suicidal person alone.


Tip 3: Offer help and support

If a friend or family member is suicidal, the best way to help is by offering an empathetic, listening ear. Let your loved one know that he or she is not alone and that you care. Don’t take responsibility, however, for healing your loved one. You can offer support, but you can’t make a suicidal person get better.  He or she has to make a personal commitment to recovery.

It takes a lot of courage to help someone who is suicidal. Witnessing a loved one dealing with thoughts about ending his or her own life can stir up many difficult emotions. As you’re helping a suicidal person, don’t forget to take care of yourself. Find someone that you trust—a friend, family member, clergyman, or therapist—to talk to about your feelings and get support of your own.

To help a suicidal person:

• Get professional help. Do everything that you can to get a suicidal person the help he or she needs. Call a crisis line for advice and referrals. Encourage the person to see a mental health professional, help locate a treatment facility, or take them to a doctor’s appointment.
• Follow-up on treatment. If the doctor prescribes medication, make sure your friend or loved one takes it as directed. 
• Be proactive. Those contemplating suicide often don’t believe they can be helped, so you may have to be more proactive at offering support or help. Saying, “Call me if you need anything” is too vague. Don’t wait for the person to call you or even to return your calls. Drop by, call again, invite the person out.
• Encourage positive lifestyle changes, such as a healthy diet, plenty of sleep, and getting out in the sun or into nature for at least 30 minutes each day. Exercise is also extremely important as it releases endorphins, relieves stress, and promotes emotional well-being.
• Make a safety plan. Help the person develop a set of steps he or she promises to follow during a suicidal crisis. It should identify any triggers that may lead to a suicidal crisis, such as an anniversary of a loss, alcohol, or stress from relationships. Also include contact numbers for the person’s doctor or therapist, as well as friends and family members who will help in an emergency.
• Remove potential means of suicide, such as pills, knives, razors, or firearms. If the person is likely to take an overdose, keep medications locked away or give them out only as the person needs them.
• Continue your support over the long haul. Even after the immediate suicidal crisis has passed, stay in touch with the person, periodically checking in or dropping by. Your support is vital to ensure your friend or loved one remains on the  recovery track.

source- helpguide.org

You can also check out this list of additional resources related to preventing addressing suicide.